The Rest of Us
by am592
Summary: What would you do if you woke up a murderer? This is exactly what 15-year old, Dauntless-born Timidia faces as she awakens from the Erudite's simulation with a gun in her hands and the dying Abnegation around her. Alone, afraid, and filled with guilt, Timidia must now find her place in a world which is rapidly falling down around her.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

I wake up.

_Wait, no, I'm still asleep._

I close my eyes against the piercing moonlight, but I can still feel the breeze on my back, the pavement beneath my shoes, the gun in my hands.

_The gun in my hands?!_

I look down at my hands, and I can't believe it. There really is a gun, clenched in my fingers. The metal surface glistens in the crescent glint of moonlight.

I look up, frightened, and my eyes register the scene around me. I see square grey houses which clearly indicate I'm in the Abnegation sector. I see my fellow faction members, my family, standing around me with guns in their hands, looking as confused as I feel. I see the grey-clad Abnegation members kneeling on the ground, crying and screaming.

And I see the bodies. Bodies on the ground, dressed in grey and red.

_Grey and red?_

I blink and I now see that the clothes are not red, they're grey. Grey clothes.

The red is blood.

Blood, because the people are dead.

I start to shake, wanting to tear my eyes from the scene, wanting to close my eyes and escape, but I cannot.

I have a gun in my hands, and there are dead men, women, and children at my feet. I have a gun in my hands, and there are dead men, women, and children. I have a gun in my hands.

_I have a gun my hands!_

I drop the weapon as if it is a bomb, ready to explode. A few Dauntless turn to look at me, but the rest are too consumed with processing what has happened.

I, too, am trying to process what has happened.

There are dead people lying around me, and a gun in my hands. Well, it's on the ground now. But I can still feel it, the strain of it still on my hands.

I stare at my hands, at the ground, at the gun. I try to think of what has happened, what to do. But all I can think is: _How did I end up here?_

My life was ordinary enough, up until this point. Dauntless-born, I was raised by a single father since my mom died soon after I was born. Even this was not remarkable—when you're Dauntless, these things happen. At his Choosing Ceremony two years ago, my older brother Tiago decided to remain Dauntless and is now stationed by the fence, keeping guard. He comes back to visit every now and then, but he doesn't stay long. I don't mind though, because he is rough and mean, always pushing me around and calling me a chicken. He pushes the other children around too, beats up on them just so that he can make fun of me when I rush to their aid. Which I always do. "You're gonna be a stiff soon, aren't you chickey?" he would tease me, "Don't know what tough is!"

The truth is, I _want_ to be a stiff. Regardless of what the Aptitude test says, Abnegation is what I planned to choose at my ceremony next year, if I was brave enough. Which would be hard, because I'm not brave often.

That's why I want to choose Abnegation in the first place. To me, they always seem to exhibit their own type of bravery. Walking around quietly, always thinking of others, helping the Factionless, running our government despite the Erutide's constant taunts, isn't that a type of bravery too? That, at least, is a type of bravery I can handle. Zip-lining across the city, shooting a gun, throwing knives, and jumping off trains isn't for me. In Abnegation, I could finally prove to myself that I _am_ brave.

Just a different type of brave than my faction expected me to be.

How ironic that I stand here now, acting like the rest of my despised faction, surrounded by the ailing faction of my choice, a faction hurt because of me.

I've not been under simulations before, but I know what they are. Sometimes kids would sneak into the training rooms to try out the "fear landscapes" that initiates use in training. They would race each other through, seeing who could make it out the fastest and laughing when each of them emerged pale and shaking. My brother tried to get me to go with him once, when we were younger. Said it would knock the stiff out of me. I didn't go.

I'm aware that I was under a simulation, that it was a simulation that brought me here. But I also know that this isn't a fear landscape. This is reality. Somehow, instead of reaching the age of 16 and choosing Abnegation at my ceremony, I instead find myself with a gun, a weapon I despise, in my hands, acting just like the cruel and violent faction I abhor. Can I really not break free from the faction into which I was born? Do I have no choice at all, is this who I am?

The still-living people around me start to come to life. The Dauntless slowly realize what has happened and react in various ways: shock, anger, worry, confusion, and, I despise the noises which indicate it, pride and celebration. The Abnegation are getting over the confusion of the simulation's sudden stop and begin to stand up, move around, process those who have been killed and those that are still alive.

I stare at the gun. At my hands. At the ground. I don't know what else to do.

When I finally get the courage to look up, my eyes catch a little brown-haired girl, in an oversized-grey dress, waddling between two sleeping figures. She, like me, looks blank, as if she's not sure how to react.

When our eyes meet, we decide together. We both begin to cry.

"Daddy!" she wails, "Mommy!"

I want to wail alongside her. I know I am too old to be calling for my parents, but I don't know what else to do. I never was brave. "Daddy!" I scream, the sound of my voice mingling with hers.

No one answers the little girl, and no one answers me.

For the little girl, the reason is obvious. Her parents lay slain by the door, probably, I shudder at the thought, because of me and the gun in my hands.

I don't know why no one answers me. I may be a monster, with the gun in my hands, but so are all the other Dauntless. I can't believe they don't acknowledge me as their own.

"Daddy!" the little girl wails on, and I can't stand it, I can't stand here and listen to her or I will start too, start crying and crying and crying until someone comes and saves me.

So I run to the little girl, grab her in my arms, and run. Run and run and run as fast as I can away from the confused, sad, excited Dauntless, the weeping Abnegation, the dead bodies.

Away from the gun on the ground, running with the little Abnegation girl in my hands.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

I don't stop running until the square houses are far behind me. Exhausted, winded, I sit down in the middle of the deserted street and turn my attention to the child crying in my lap. Her sobs have slowed, but tears continue running down her checks.

"Here," I say, wiping away her tears with the bottom of my shirt. "Don't cry. It will be okay."

I don't know what authority I have to say this; probably none since my faction has turned into monsters and hers is almost completely destroyed. No, I don't think it will be okay. But I continue cooing the lie to the young child until her brown eyes, now looking up at me, are dry.

"That's better," I say. "You must be very tired after all that crying! You can go to sleep now. It's alright, you're safe now."

A lump forms in my throat as I utter that last sentence. That's probably a lie too. I don't know if we are safe, I don't know if we'll ever be safe ever again. I don't even know where we are.

At that I look up and take in the scene around me. It's dark, so it takes awhile before the buildings begin to take shape. There are cardboard boxes piled on top of each other. In between these are a few crumbling brick buildings, so caked with dirt that you can't tell one brick from another, the windows from the walls. Garbage is piled around the base of the buildings, the boxes, the streets. I hear scattering animals, rats I can only assume, and pull the child on my lap closer. _Oh!_ We have wandered into the Factionless section of the city.

I barely have time to process this, time to be afraid, before I see a thin girl running down the road towards me. I don't know what to do, whether I should hide or call out in greeting, so instead I do nothing. I sit there, dressed in my Dauntless black, holding an Abnegation child in my lap, while a stranger runs towards us in the moonlight.

I see her stop short about ten or so yards away from where I sit. It's hard to see in the darkness, but I think she's looking at me.

"Hey you!" she calls out. I don't respond. "Hey you!" she tries again. "What are you doing there?" I still don't respond.

She starts to move, more cautiously this time, towards me. I see her pick up a broken piece of metal from the ground and hold it out in front of her as a weapon. I am too tired, too confused, too upset to even be afraid.

When she stands beside me, I can tell she's Factionless. The yellow pants, grey dress, and black headband wound around her tangled red hair clearly indicate so. But she looks young, perhaps even younger than I am myself. _How did she wind up with the Factionless?_

"Hey!" she says again. "Dauntless! What are you doing here?!"

Finally I manage an answer. "I ran," I say simply.

"You ran?" she asks. "But from where?"

I look up at her, not even trying to mask the pain from my eyes, but say nothing.

"Oh," she says, clearly understanding. "From the simulation. Where you killed the Abnegation." She says it without hesitation, as if she's talking about something as mundane as the weather. "And did you save that Abnegation kid? Or were you planning on killing it here with your bare hands?"

I look up at her in horror. _Why would I harm this child? Did she think I _wanted _to be under the simulation, murdering hundreds of innocent men, women, and children?_

"Okay, okay," she says with her hands raised, as if taking back that last question. She pauses for a second. And then, throwing down her makeshift weapon, she begins taking off her dress.

_What? _I think in confusion, but she's throwing the dress in my face, taking the girl out of my arms, and saying, "Give me your shirt."

"Umm..why?" I say in confusion.

"You're too Dauntless," she says, and I feel a falling inside. _Yes, I am too Dauntless, too Dauntless with the gun in my hands while the selfless die around me._ "They'll never let you in without lots a questions," she's saying, but I'm only half-listening, so wrapped in self-loathing I am. "We don't like the Dauntless 'round here. You'll have to pass for another Factionless. Just tell 'um you failed out of Dauntless initiation. No one questions those stories."

Numb, I take off my shirt and replace it with the dirty grey dress. Dauntless and Abnegation, together.

"I don't have anything for the kid," she says, pulling on my tight black shirt. It hangs loosely over her thin figure. "But she's young enough no one will question it. I'm Alexis, by the way." She offers me her hand and helps pull me from the ground.

"Timidia," I reply, standing. Without anything in my hands, I feel naked and exposed. I reach for the sleeping little girl, and Alexis surrenders her willingly. "How old are you?" I ask, unable to contain my curiosity.

"Fourteen," she says, leading me into the nearest dilapidated building. I'm almost afraid to go in, so unstable does it look.

"How did you wind up here? In Factionless? You're too young to have failed initiations!"

Halfway through the door, she looks back at me with a trace of disgust. "I was born here. We have families too, you know, we have marriages and children and grandchildren even. Except unlike you guys, we don't get separated by faction. Once you're Factionless, you and your kids don't get a choice."

And with that she disappears into the dark, dingy building. Not seeing any other alternative, I follow.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

The room is softly lit by a few small lanterns, carelessly thrown around the floor of the room. It's a large, two-story room, mostly empty except a few people talking in the corner by an open window. They look at us for a second as we enter, but then, apparently uninterested, turn back to their conversation.

"They're like our leaders, I guess," Alexis explains to me in a whisper. "They helped organized places to live, like this building, awhile back. When I was a baby we didn't have things so good. I don't remember though."

I shrink back against the wall, not wanting to attract their attention. Alexis just laughs. "Don't worry about them," she says. "They won't pay attention to us. Me, I'm not important. I'm just a no body."

She turns and regards me seriously. "What about you? Are you somebody important? Are people going to come looking for you and gettin' me into trouble?"

I almost laugh, so ludicrous is the idea. But the thought of red on grey clothes stops me, and I just sigh. "No, I'm a nobody too."

"Good," She gives me a big grin and I see that two of her front teeth are missing. "Well, the nobody section's this way!"

It gets dark as we wind through hallways, but I follow along by the sound of Alexis' constant whispering. "Everybody else is sleeping," she is saying. "When we heard the gunshots, everyone woke up. But when we realized it was just one faction shooting another, they went back to sleep. The factions don't care much for us, so why bother, right? I was curious though, so I went out and looked."

"You looked?!" I stop short, caught in the horror of a fourteen year-old, red-haired girl watching simulated-controlled people killing innocent men, woman, and children for entertainment.

"Yeah," I can't see her, but I can tell that she stopped moving as well, and her voice is small. "It was horrible, worse than I thought. I could tell you guys didn't know what you were doing, that you weren't awake. And the Abnegation…" she trails off.

"But I didn't know what to do," she starts again, her whisper stronger. "There was nothing I _could_ do. I'm not a hero. I'm not a leader. I'm just Alexis. So I ran."

She seems defiant, like a small child afraid of getting scolded for wrongdoing. Feeling sorry for her, I finally tell her the truth. "I was under that simulation. I killed people. When I woke up, I didn't know what to do. I'm not a hero either. So I ran too."

"But you saved the Abnegation kid!" she says. "And I saved_ you_. I guess that's all we can do."

She starts walking again. In a few seconds we're inside a small, dark room, surrounded by sleeping people. "Here," she says, handing me a thin blanket. "Get some sleep." I follow her to the far side of the room, sink down into a corner, and fall asleep with the little Abnegation girl still curled in my arms.

When I wake up, for real this time, it's lighter, but only slightly so. The windows of the room are dingy, so not much light shines in. A group of people are huddled around a corner of the room, passing around a can of peaches and talking in low voices. None of them take notice of me as I sit up and stretch.

My little girl is lying curled in the blanket, still sleeping. It's a wonder she's slept so long. I'm grateful though, because I don't know what to do when she awakes. What to do with her? I don't even know what to do with myself!

Alexis is nowhere in sight, so I just sit in the corner, observing. The room is small, so once I begin concentrating, I can hear their low conversation.

"Finally got Evelyn to admit that it had something to do with Divergent," one older man says to the group. A few of the people gasp, but a younger man, sitting to his left, shakes his head.

"Divergent?" he says, "yeah right! That's just some old child's story; people dream it up and use it as an excuse when they can't find any real answers."

The older man snorts and digs his fork into the can of peaches.

"What?!" the young man continues with irritation. "I've never met any Divergent, have any of you?"

The woman directly across from me gives a long, meaningful look to the man by her side, but says nothing. For a while, there's nothing but the sound of forks against the can as they pass it around.

Eventually, the peaches are gone and the woman across from me takes a sip of the juice before speaking. "Well, regardless, we're all presented with an opportunity now, so we'll have to pull together if we want to respond."

"What?" the young man looks at her as he takes the can from her hands, "respond? It looks like the Erudite have won. One battle and Abnegation is all but gone, Dauntless are splitting down the middle, and Candor and Amity are looking the other way. What's there left? Attack Erudite, which is strengthened by Dauntless and powerful simulations? Us? A band of Factionless who are still scavenging for food?" He throws the can and it clatters on the hard concrete floor. "Not a chance."

"Kid," the old man says, "you still have a lot to learn about us. The Factionless are strong. We have safe houses throughout the city, a means of communication, and, even more powerful, a _righteousness _to our actions. The factions have put us down for years. It's now time for them to pay!"

A few people shake their heads, others don't respond.

The young man stands up. "Well, you won't see me joining any wars."

"We didn't ask you to! We don't need no Erudite-Dauntless failures!" the woman teases him and they all laugh as he walks out the door.

I sit for a second, puzzling over their conversation. Not much made sense to me. Dauntless is splitting, what does that mean? The Factionless are strong? Really? Everything I had ever learned about them told me they were weak, lazy, cowardly people who couldn't contribute to our faction system so they were cast out to protect our way of life. I had trouble imaging them waging war against the Erudite. And the Erudite! What is all this about them winning, about Divergent? The Dauntless were made to attack the Abnegation, where did the Erudite fit into all of this?

I can't make sense of it all and, to be honest, I don't care. I just want to get back to my life. Even if that means being back in the Pit with the faction I hate.

I stand up to leave but, before I can move forward, I hear quiet whimpering from beside me. The Abnegation child. Looking down at the mass of tangled brown hair and crumbled grey dress, I know I can't just leave her here, defenseless. So instead I bend down and gather her into my arms.

"Good morning, little one," I coo, and this is when I realize I don't even know the name of the orphan I stole from Abnegation. "It looks like we're going to be together for awhile, so I think I should know your name." She just looks at me, still whimpering quietly.

"It's okay, it's okay," I say, sitting down and pulling her onto my lap. "I won't hurt you." I swallow the lump in my throat.

_At least not now. _

"My name is Timidia," I tell her quietly, "and I want to be your friend. Can you tell me your name?"

She blinks, but says nothing.

I sigh. "Maybe I can guess it," I tell her.

I try to think of the names of all the Abnegation girls in my school. "Is it Susan?" I ask.

It takes a bit but then finally, finally the little girl slightly shakes her head no.

Excited, I begin spitting off names. "Caroline? Amelia? Natalie? Mary?" to all of these she shakes her head no. "Amanda?" I guess again, "Annabelle?" At the last, she smiles, the first smile I have seen, and shakes her head yes.

"Annabelle?" she shakes yes again and I all but yell, "Annabelle!"

It's so nice to actually know the name of my new little companion. And nice to see her smile. I smile too as I ask her, "How old are you?"

She still isn't talking, so I hold up my fingers. "One?" I put up another when she doesn't respond "Two?" Slowly, she raises her hand and shows me three fingers. For a second I am too shocked to respond, but then I gather her to me in excitement. "You're three?" I ask in excitement. She doesn't respond, but I'm too busy kissing the top of her head to care. "Three year old Annabelle!"

I may not be able to fight off a simulation, be brave enough to stay behind and deal with the consequences of what I have done, but at least I can figure out the name and age of the little Abnegation girl!


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

I have no clue what time it is or what is going on in the rest of the city. I don't think I care.

I have spent the last few hours hiding in my little corner, teaching Annabelle to play "Choo Choo, Choo Choo," a clapping game popular with the young Dauntless girls. She still hasn't talked yet, but she's sitting up, playing with me, laughing, and clapping her hands together. For the time being, I don't care about much else.

As time moves forward, my bladder feels uncomfortably full and my stomach feels painfully empty. I need to use the restroom and I'm starting to get hungry, but I'm too afraid to leave my little corner.

But then Annabelle gets bored with my game and starts to whine. I sigh. I'm sure she's hungry too.

"Here, Annabelle, let me teach you a song," I say, trying to get her attention.

"Dauntless, Dauntless, strong as can be! Bravest, Strongest of all are we!" I sing the first two lines before I realize that I probably shouldn't be singing a Dauntless song in the middle of a Factionless building, especially considering the disgust towards the factions that I overheard this morning.

I try to come up with a song that doesn't have to do with my faction, but all of the songs that Dauntless children sing talk about being brave, powerful, and better than everybody else. I don't think that's true of Factionless songs.

Without any type of distraction, Annabelle really starts to wail. Loudly.

"Shh, shh!" Worried about her drawing attention to us, I frantically try to calm her. Throughout the day, some people have been wandering in and out of the small room, but they never pay any attention to Annabelle and me in the corner. I am grateful that the room is now empty.

"Okay, okay, I'll find us something to eat!" I say to her, figuring that hunger is probably contributing to her little fit.

As I stand and lift her, I notice the bottom of her dress is wet and smelly.

_Ugh._ Now I'll have to try and find her new clothes as well.

I am afraid to leave the room, my little sanctuary. I know that I'm no longer easily identifiable as Dauntless, but I feel that my faction is written all over me, marking me as the enemy.

Finally, I take a deep breath and step out into the hallway. It's hardly any lighter in here than it was last night. My plan is to find Alexis, the only friendly face I know around this place, but I don't even know where to look. A growl in my stomach compels me to move forward, so I walk slowly, letting my hand glide along the left wall to show me the way. Annabelle is heavy and smelly in my arms.

"Can you walk?" I ask her, "walk?"

Even though she doesn't answer, I set her down on her feet. For a few seconds, she is unsteady, but then I grab her hand and she toddles down the hall beside me.

I keep walking until I'm in a room I recognize. It's the big, two-story room from last night. Now, it's lighter, so I can see a big staircase and an old elevator shaft to the left of the hallway. In front of me, on the right, the window is still open from last night, letting in the majority of the light. The room is empty.

"Well, Annabelle," I say to the child, since there's no one else to talk to, "I'm not sure what we can do now."

She's still crying beside me, not interested in what I have to say. I sigh, and stand there looking around the room. The empty elevator shaft looks like an endless dark hole. The open window shows a bright sunny day, but for some reason that doesn't look any less menacing.

_I wasn't lying, _I think, my eyes scanning the room,_ I really have _no clue_ what to do._

As I'm standing there trying to decide my next move and failing to convince myself that fleeing back to my corner would _not _be a good idea, a boy walks in the door and stops short when he sees us. His clothes, a faded yellow t-shirt, white pants, and sturdy black boots, clearly mark him as Factionless: a hodgepodge of colors. Nonetheless, he is clean-shaven with short-cropped brown hair, a style untypical of the Factionless.

At first, I don't recognize him. But as soon as he talks, I realize he is the "Erudite-Dauntless failure" from the conversation I overheard earlier today. The darkness of the room had clearly masked his bright, kind green eyes. I wonder now how I could not have noticed them.

"Who are you?" he asks, regarding me quizzically.

"Timidia," I reply, without even worrying about how my name might reveal my faction. "And this is Annabelle," I gesture the little girl, finally still, standing by my side. She looks back up at him in curiosity.

He glances at Annabelle for a second, but then his green eyes come back up to meet mine. He almost looks concerned as he asks, "Are you from Abnegation?"

"No…" I almost say, but then I stop myself. The alibi Alexis had constructed for me said I failed Dauntless initiation, but how does that explain the little Abnegation girl? Besides, I can never pass for a Factionless, none of them are sneaking around the empty rooms, trying to be invisible, scared of their own shadows.

"Yes," I finally say, "We're both Abnegation."

He visibly relaxes at these words and his eyes shine with obvious pity. "Oh, I had heard some of the survivors ran to our safe houses, but I thought they were on the other side of the city. Is it just you and your sister here?"

I decide to just let him think Annabelle is my sister. I wish she were my sister, that I were Abnegation, so the lie is easy enough.

"Yes," I reply, miraculously relaxing under his kind stare. "We ran away after the killing." I neglect to add that _I_ was the one doing the killing.

"And your parents?" he asks.

I say nothing. What can I say? That I probably killed Annabelle's parents and that my dad is a monster, somewhere acting Dauntless while I run away?

He interprets my silence as sadness and takes a few steps closer to me. He reaches out as if wanting to give me a hug, but instead his arms fall empty and useless at his side.

"I'm sorry," he says. "But don't worry, you're safe now."

It's the same lie I told Annabelle this morning. The lie that I couldn't even convince myself to believe. But, somehow, looking at this strong and determined green-eyed boy in front of me, I start to believe it.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

I'm back in my little corner again, but I'm full, comfortable, and, I must admit, almost happy. Annabelle busily entertains herself with a doll Alexis found while Carter, Alexis and I pass a can of chocolate pudding back and forth between the three of us. It's not Dauntless chocolate cake, but it's a decent substitute.

Alexis and Carter are discussing the number of Factionless safe houses in the city, but I'm only half-listening. Every now and then I'll pipe in with a question, but I'm too busy puzzling over the events of the last 48 hours in my head.

I can't believe it was just yesterday when I awoke with the gun in my hands. Somehow I found my way to a Factionless house, where some girl named Alexis helped me find a safe place to sleep. She left me in the morning, to go work with her mother on something, and just as I was on the brink of despair I run into a, I must admit, cute boy who helped me find my way to the bathrooms and a new grey dress for Annabelle. He also found food for the both of us.

He wanted us to go outside with everyone else to eat, but understood my fears and, without complaint, let me lead him back to my corner. He introduced himself as Carter Evans, a 17-year old Erudite-born, Dauntless-transfer who failed out of initiation last year and found himself with the Factionless. Turns out, he knew Alexis, as her mom really helped him when he first joined the Factionless.

He still thought I was Abnegation though.

"Timidia, do the Abnegation know about all the safe houses, or do they just give out food to the Factionless when they see them?"

I jolt out of my ponderings as I hear Carter address me. He's looking at my kindly, clearly interested in what I have to say. But I can still see a hint of pity behind his steady eyes.

_Pity I don't deserve._

"Umm…" I start and stop, noticing Alexis' quizzical glance. I hadn't had time to apprise her of the lie I told Carter. Even though I know that Alexis knows the truth and Carter seems more than trustworthy, I'm still afraid to admit that I'm not Abnegation, that I'm Dauntless. I _don't_ want to admit that I'm Dauntless, even to myself.

"Well I don't know where they are," I finally say, deciding that's not a lie. "But I don't know if Abnegation leaders do or not."

Carter nods, accepting my answer, and I heave a sigh of relief as Alexis pipes in, "Why wouldn't they know? Doesn't everyone know? I mean, it's not like it's some secret, right?"

I don't know, so I stay silent. Carter answers, "This afternoon everyone was talking like it was. Seems their gearing up to start something, but they want it to be a surprise. They don't trust the factions."

"Well duh!" Alexis says, but then catches herself quickly when she realizes that no one in the circle quite agrees with her sentiments. Carter rolls his eyes slightly, but says nothing.

Just then, a short, stocky man with a patch of red hair comes into the room.

"Hey, 'lexis," he calls, coming over to us. "I need some information. You were at the spectacle last night, right?"

I shudder at his calling mass killings a "spectacle," but the man ignores me. Alexis nods her head and he continues, "Evelyn's asking about a boy, Tobias Eaton, did you see him?"

Alexis shakes her head immediately. "Well, Derek, I didn't really get many names, what with the Abnegation dying and the Dauntless brainless and all." She throws me a lopsided smile, but I can't bring myself to return it.

Derek's eyes follow Alexis' gaze over to me, "D'you know him?" he asks me.

I don't understand why he's talking to me. Why would I know anything, why would I be of any help to him, ever? "Umm.." I stutter, "…how would I know him?"

"He was a Dauntless-transfer," Derek says shortly. "Went by the name of Four there."

I balk at his assumption. _How does he know I'm Dauntless?_ I look down at my hands. They look like normal hands to me. _Can he see the gun in them? Does he know who I truly am?_

Carter quickly steps into the conversation. "She's Abnegation. I doubt she had much time to socialize with the Dauntless while they were killing her friends and family." He says it coldly, glaring at Derek from under his long eyelashes. I feel a warmth spread through me as he defends me, even though I know it's all a lie.

Derek doesn't look convinced that I'm Abnegation, but he backs off and turns his attention to Carter. "You were Dauntless, do you know him?"

"Four? Yeah, of course, everyone knows him. He was the legend, he was all the people in my training class could talk about last year."

It's strange hearing Carter talk so causally about Dauntless. It's a faction I hate so much; I have a hard time associating it with this calm, steady boy in front of me.

"Where was he during the assassination? Is he okay?" Derek's full attention is on Carter now.

"I wouldn't know, I'm not Dauntless any more, now am I?" He laughs, but Derek doesn't join in.

"Well, tell me if you ever find out anything, okay Evans?" Derek is serious, but I can see him hiding a smile.

"Yes, sir!" Carter says sarcastically and, with that, Derek disappears.

"Don't worry about him," Carter says once he leaves, "he's a good guy, I promise. One of my best friends here."

"Yeah, he's just trying to get in with all the important people," Alexis chimes in. "Stupid. He doesn't have a chance. He's no one important."

As we talk, the room gradually darkens and more and more people begin to wander in. As the room slowly fills up, Annabelle abandons her doll and comes to sit on my lap. She curls quietly in my legs and begins to drift off to sleeps as I idly twist her dark hair into small braids.

Derek comes back in, followed by an older woman with long red hair that hangs in tangles down her back. She's dressed in layers of random clothing that all seem like more holes than cloth.

"Well, that's my mother," Alexis says upon noticing them. "Better go over and get to sleep." And without another word she drifts to the other side of the room and begins preparing her blankets.

"Looks like this little one's out too," Carter says, looking down at Annabelle, sleeping on my lap. He picks up the nearest blanket, a worn grey cloth that is, likewise, more holes than anything else, and uses it to cover her. She shifts slightly, but doesn't wake up.

"Is Derek Alexis's brother?" I ask, my attention still caught by the sight of the small family preparing for bed. It makes me sad, somehow.

"Yeah," Carter says simply. "Their dad died a few years ago. Apparently some Dauntless beat him up pretty good on the streets and he never fully recovered. Died a few months later from an infection."

I blanch and wrap my arms tighter around the sleeping child.

_Dauntless killed Alexis's dad?_ It seems so typical of the violent faction I know and I feel ashamed to be a part of them.

_Why did she save me then? She knows who I am and what I did, and yet I'm here and safe because of her._

I can feel Carter's eyes on me, searing into my soul as I sink further into confusion and self-hatred.

"Not all Dauntless are bad though," he says quietly, those deep, steady eyes still on me. I can't bring myself to look up into them. "I know that may be hard to believe, but there are many good people in Dauntless too. People who would've saved Alexis's dad that night, who would've saved you if it weren't for the simulation. There are Dauntless now, taking refuge with Candor, who refuse to wage a battle against the Abnegation and the so-called Divergent."

Now I look up at him, slowly processing this new piece of information. _There are Dauntless with Candor? Do they feel guilty about what they did too? Do they want to cry every time they look down at their hands and see the gun in them?_

I wonder if my dad and my brother are with these people, in Candor. Or if they took the other side, whatever and wherever that may be. I'm afraid to know.

"Why did you join Dauntless?" I ask suddenly, just remembering that this kind, sympathetic boy in front of me voluntarily joined the faction I hate.

Carter looks down at the dirty tile floor and shakes his head. "Thought I wanted to be a hero," he says finally. "I thought that the Dauntless were strong and brave and helped protect the city."

"Which they do!" he adds quickly, looking up at me. "But it didn't feel that way in training. There was so much violence, so much hatred. Everyone was too busy worrying about the competition to even care about being human, about being a good person. I had to leave."

"I thought you failed?" I ask.

Ashamed, he looks up at me.

"That's what I told everyone," he says, "But, really, I left of my own free will. I was afraid people would think me cowardly if I told them."

He looks at me miserably, as if waiting for my judgment. But I don't think he deserves it. "Well," I finally say evenly, "I think leaving was probably one of the bravest things you could have done."

A slow smile starts at the corner of his mouth and then quickly spreads throughout his entire face. Grinning hugely, he startles me by reaching over and enveloping Annabelle and I in a jubilant embrace. My face is flaming by time he pulls away, but he is oblivious.

"You know, Timidia, I'm not happy about what brought you here, but I sure am glad I met you," he says.

I smile, though not quite as hugely as him. "I'm glad I found you too," I say, "or else Annabelle would be sleeping in a wet dress!"

He laughs. "Well, it's time for bed," he says and, to my surprise, he doesn't disappear but rather grabs another dirty grey blanket from the floor, wraps himself in it, and closes his eyes. I lay Annabelle down on the floor beside me and wrap up in a blanket of my own. For doing virtually nothing all day, I actually am pretty tired.

I wonder what time it is, but I still don't know. Within a few minutes, I drift off to sleep.

But all night I dream of guns in my hands, red on grey, Abnegation children, my family, sympathetic green eyes and a warm embrace.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

I wake up shaking, still lost in the matrix of my dreams. Seeing Annabelle sleeping beside me brings me back to reality.

My nightmares had happened, they are true, but so are the good parts of my dream.

I am safe, I am awake, and beside me are an Abnegation child I saved and a green-eyed boy who helped take care of me.

_But I'm still Dauntless._

I clutch the holey blanket to me, but then set it down with resolve.

_I am going to find my father and brother._ I am going to see which side they chose. I don't know why it matters but, somehow, it feels like it does.

I don't want to leave Annabelle alone, but I don't want to take her with me either. Most of the people in the room are still sleeping, Carter included. On the other side of the small room I can just see the slight bulge of Alexis's sleeping form; picking up Annabelle, I walk over to her.

"Alexis!" I nudge her with my foot until she wakes up. "Alexis!"

I place Annabelle beside her and kneel down so Alexis can see my face. "I have to go…umm…check something. Watch Annabelle for me. Keep her safe."

She mumbles something which sounds like a yes. It's enough for me.

"Thanks," I say and I stand to leave.

Already, after only one day of being here, I can find the bathroom with ease. I relieve myself and try to wash my face, but the water is cold and there is no soap. I give up and leave, grateful at least for the tight braids that keep my hair in place.

By time I walk through the doors into the dim, early-morning sunlight, I am already rethinking this venture. _How do I get to Candor headquarters?_

I'm honestly not even sure where I am.

The city is quiet and empty. I can see the rising sun to the east and for once have somewhat of an understanding of the time. It's early, but not so early that the streets should be so deserted. It's like everyone's taken cover, waiting to see what happens next.

I pause for a second, and then I surge into the street.

I don't want to wait. I want to know.

It takes me nearly an hour to find Candor headquarters. I didn't want to go anywhere near Abnegation, but neither am I brave enough to walk in front of Erudite headquarters or make my way back to the Pit. Finally, I follow the old river bed until I arrive by the glass doors set in the wide stone building of the "MERC IS MART."

It is here that I hesitate, once again. _What am I doing?_

I don't even know what is going on in the city, what happened after the Dauntless killed the Abnegation, so what right do I have to go marching into another faction's headquarters? The little bits of information I picked up from the Factionless now seem useless. _I should have paid more attention! _I curse myself.

Just as I am about to leave because, let's get real, I'm never going to be brave enough to walk inside, the door opens.

I whip around, but all I can see is a long gun pointing out.

A gun, just like the one I held in my hands only two days ago.

Except now, it's not in my hands.

It's pointing at me.

"Dauntless?" the voice inside questions.

I don't know how to respond. _Yes? No?_ I'm still wearing the grey dress that Alexis gave me and my old black pants.

Dauntless, Abnegation, Factionless, who I am and who I want to be.

"Yes," I finally say when the gun doesn't move. "Yes, I am Dauntless." A lump grows in my throat when I utter the truth.

The gun stays steady as the door opens, showing a middle-aged man dressed in all black. Dauntless. I don't know whether or not to be afraid.

"You're just a kid," he says, tilting his head. "Grey dress but no blue armband," he continues, although those words mean nothing to me. "Still lost after the simulation?"

I shake my head. Yes, yes I am lost, lost with a gun and an Abnegation child in my hands.

"Well," he says, hesitating a moment. Then he points the gun at the ground as if making a decision and says, "come on inside."

I'm pretty sure that all I want to do right now is run back to my corner in the Factionless building, but I do what I'm told.

After being inside the small room in the Factionless' dark, dingy building for a full day, the brightness of the room catches me off guard. It's so light, and so clean. The black marble floors shine and the elevator in the distance is aglow with lights.

For a second it seems serene, but then I process the people, swarming around, a mass of black and white, Candor and Dauntless. I see some glints of red too, and realize that some of the people are injured. I close my eyes against the scene.

"We're still kinda lost too," the man says gently, "some of us got wounded by those who escaped the simulation. We've lost faction members to the Erudite. We're not sure what's going to happen anymore."

I change my mind from this morning. I don't want to know anymore, I don't care anymore.

I just want to run and hide.

"Timidia!" I open my eyes in surprise. Running towards me is Tajee, a Dauntless woman whose son I used to play with when I was little. She looks the same as she always does: dark hair shaved close to her head, mouth turned up in an ever-present smile, and dark, comforting hands reaching out to squeeze my shoulders. Only the concerned set of her eyes separates her from the jubilant mother she once was.

"How are you doing, sweetie?" she asks. "I was worried when I didn't see your family here!"

Didn't see my family here. That means my father and brother aren't here.

When I don't respond, she gives my shoulder another squeeze. "It's okay," she says, "you're here now, you're safe."

The Dauntless are swarming around me, some injured, some with guns. The man who brought me into this room is still by my side, gun pointed at my feet. I don't feel safe, even though I know I'm with one of the nicest women I've ever met, Dauntless or not.

"Actually, Tajee," I respond, finally finding my voice, "I just came here to look for my father. Have you seen him?"

Her face falls and her voice trembles. "No….I haven't….not everyone's here…"

Somehow, I keep it together. "Where are the others?" I ask firmly.

"Some went to Erudite," she looks at me guiltily. "I don't know if you know, but some of our leaders, like Eric, were working together with them to overthrow the Abnegation. Some people agree that the Abnegation shouldn't be in charge, that the 'Divergent,' whoever they are, need to be controlled. Some people took their side."

She looks at me with pity, but I look straight ahead, eyes concentrated on the lights of the elevators.

"So that's where dad and Tiago are?" I ask.

"Oh, I don't know honey," she says, reaching up and smoothing my braids down my face. "I've heard that some Dauntless ran back to the Pit and that some even went to Amity. Who knows? The world is in chaos, and we're just trying to live through it."

"Well, then I have to go," I say as I back up through the door. The man by my side begins to raise the gun, but Tajee waves him away.

"You go, sweetie," she says. "You go do what you have to do, what you can do."

And with that I'm gone, away from the large building, the lights, the Dauntless and Candor and confusing politics I don't care to understand. I'm running, running down the streets and back to my safe little corner tucked away in an obscure building that no one important will ever find.

I think of Tajee, who let me go with the assurance that I would do what I have to do, what I can do.

Well, running away is all I can do.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

I am not paying attention to where I run. It takes the stitch in my side to slow my pace to a walk. My hand grabs below my ribs, massaging the sore spot. As my breathing slows, I process my surroundings.

_Oh! _The grey houses, doors hung open, deserted streets: I am in the Abnegation sector.

I drop to the ground as guns go off around me. I can hear bullets ricocheting off of the concrete buildings, others going silent as they hit their mark. I feel the heat of the blasts as children scream around me and adults beg and plead for salvation. I can feel the gun in my hands, even though my arms are wrapped tightly around me. I stay crouched on the ground, hugging my legs to my chest, barely able to breathe while the sounds of death echo around me.

"Timidia!"

Only that, only the sound of my name, can bring me back to reality. I am a no body, so whoever is calling my name must actually know me. The curiosity is enough to pull me from the ground. My eyes scan the streets around me.

I see people about 200 yards to the left, lightly illuminated by the still-rising sun. As I squint, I hear my name again, "Timidia!" It's coming from behind me.

I run towards the sound quickly, trying to escape the notice of the people approaching from the street to the east. I just noticed they are wearing black and blue.

I literally run into the caller of my name and find myself wrapped in Carter's strong arms. "It's okay," he murmurs, smoothing down my hair in a similar fashion as did Tajee. "It's okay."

I raise my eyes to him, uncomprehending. "Who are they?"

He freezes. "Who are who?" he asks.

"The people. Coming towards us. Wearing black and blue," I say.

He looks confused for a second, so I turn around and point. The mob is approaching fast, but I still don't think they've noticed us, tucked around the corner of a building.

He looks scared, so I take that to mean these people aren't welcome.

I grab his hand and tug, trying to pull him down an alley to the right. "Come on!" I urge, "Let's go."

As if in a daze, he follows me a few steps, and then finally bursts into a run.

We dart in between houses until we're at the last row of the Abnegation houses and the army is far behind us. I want to keep running, but Carter grabs my hand and pulls me to a stop.

"Hold on," he says, "the rest of them."

"The rest of whom?" I ask, still tugging his hand. I want to run. Run away, the only defense mechanism I have against the world.

"The other Factionless. We were raiding the houses, trying to find food," he looks at me apologetically, but then continues with desperation, "We should've warned them! They're still in the houses!"

"Carter, we have to go!" I say loudly. I am desperate to be on the move. "They'll be fine!"

Torn, he looks between me and the Abnegation houses. Finally, he lets me pull him away, back towards the Factionless building and my safe little corner.

I'm still holding Carter's hand when we make it to our building. There are people milling around outside the door, sharing cans of food around various campfires, as if nothing of importance is going on in the world.

"Hey, Evans!" calls one of the boys to the left of us. I want nothing more than to walk straight pass them and into my corner, but I don't want to let go of Carter's hand either.

And he's walking towards the boys who yelled his name.

They form a U as we approach, letting us into their circle. I notice Derek standing across from me, but none of the other boys I recognize. They are a mix of torn, dirty clothing of various colors that indicate their status as Factionless. Some of them have long, uncombed hair and dirt-streaked faces, but others look a bit more put together.

Carter clearly recognizes everyone, and lights up when he sees them. "Derek! Sam! David! Jayden!" he shouts, grabbing the shoulder of the boy next to him. "I thought for sure you were goners!"

"Us?" the one named Jayden laughs, "Ha, we weren't the ones running straight for an Erudite Dauntless army!"

"Yeah, man," Derek says, "you're insane, going out there like that. We saw them as soon as you were gone and booked it outta there! Managed to steel some loot though," he gestures proudly to a loaf of bread held by the boy to my left.

Carter reaches over me to grab it out of his hands. "Thanks for the warning, bro," he says between bites of bread. He offers some to me, but I shake my head. I'm nervous standing out here with everyone. "I didn't see anything 'til Timidia here told me. Would've walked straight towards them if it wasn't for her."

At this everyone turns to look at me. I feel my face flame, and I don't think it's because of the heat of the fire.

It's quiet for a second, and then Jayden speaks again, "Hmm, guess she's worth saving." The boys around the fire snicker, and one of them gives out a loud woof-whistle. I could not be more uncomfortable.

Carter, however, could not be more in his element and he laughs alongside them. The boy to the left of me, Sam, tries to snatch the bread from him and the two nearly push me out of the way as they fight over the small loaf.

"That's for not warning me," he says as he puts his knee into Sam's stomach. For a second I'm shocked, but then I see there was no force behind the kick, and Sam is fine.

"And that's for laughing at me," he says, stealing the bread back from him.

"And this is for being such a lame group of friends," he's smiling as he turns and walks away, dragging me, my hand still entwined with his, behind him.

At this, the boys go wild, breaking into fits of laughter, shouts, and inappropriate comments. My face is hotter than the fire by this point; when I get the courage to look at Carter, I can see a faint blush creeping up on his.

"Ignore them," he mutters.

That's hard to do, but in no time at all we're back in the dim building, winding down the hallway back to my corner.

The boys seemed nice enough, despite their teasings, but I'm glad to be back inside. The dark, crowded spaces: they feel safe now.

The world outside this building does not.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

The little room is full of people, broken into groups. Each group is filled with people talking, eating, playing games, and sleeping. Lanterns are the center of every group, and they fill the room with a bright glow. I instantly search for Alexis' bright red hair, but I don't see her.

"Do you know where Alexis is?" I ask Carter, "I left Annabelle with her."

He senses my anxiety. "Don't worry," he says, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze and leading me around the various groups to my corner of the room, "I'm sure they're fine."

As if hearing this summons, Annabelle barrels into the room, followed closely by Alexis. They're both laughing, evidently chasing one another.

Annabelle's eyes lock on mine from across the room and a huge grin splits her face in two. "Timmy!" she says, running towards me with her arms outstretched.

A few people are watching as I run and catch her into a hug. I can't believe it. She talked! She talked and she said my name!

Alexis steps up beside me, looking shocked as well.

"Wow, that's the first she's talked all day," she says.

I just smile. "I missed you too, Annabelle," I say, nuzzling my nose into her dark brown hair. Her small arms wrap around mine in an attempt at a hug. Walking over to my corner and settling down with her in my lap, I squeeze her to me. The people's stares are making me self-conscious.

"Don't worry about them," Carter says, looking at my face and reading it correctly, "They're just processing the fact that you're a new-comer. Annabelle's hard to miss."

"Oh great," I mutter, my face flaming yet again. Just what I need, people asking questions. _Questions I don't want to answer._

"Don't worry," Alexis says brusquely, "I told everyone your story today, it's all good."

_Which story?_ I'm afraid to ask.

Both Alexis and Carter had sat down beside me, and Carter hands Alexis and I the bread. I sit Annabelle upright on my lap and give her a thick slice to eat. Instead, she just fiddles with it and sucks on the crust while we talk.

"So what was the hurry this morning?" Alexis asks, as blunt as ever. I stiffen, a piece of bread halfway to my mouth. I really don't want to talk about it. "I had stuff to do," I say.

"Yeah, like rescue me from Erudite's Dauntless army!" Carter jumps in for the save and I feel relieved. He begins explaining the story to Alexis and I feel free to finish off my slice of lunch.

"But what were they doing there?" Alexis asks, rocking up to her knees and bending forward in excitement. "All the Abnegation are gone!"

"I dunno," Carter says. He, unlike Alexis, has leaned against the wall in a casual slouch that shows he really doesn't care. "Maybe trying to see if anyone came back. Maybe to steal food, like us. Maybe to find something else. Who knows?"

Alexis' brow furrows, as if trying to figure it out. Carter just laughs.

"Or maybe trying to find the 'Divergent'?" He marks this word with air quotes, showing his disbelief in the whole concept.

I remember the first conversation I overheard where he said that Divergent was a children's story used as an excuse when nothing else seems plausible. It's clear his opinion hasn't changed in the last day.

Alexis shakes her head as if she doesn't agree. I don't know what I think, but I know I don't care. Whatever "Divergent" is, I know it doesn't refer to me. I'm no one special, I'm just me.

"You have a lot to learn about the Factionless," Alexis says to him, her face upturned in a pompous glare.

It's the same thing the older man told Carter when they were talking about a war. I can tell by the airy way Alexis says it that she is just quoting what she has heard before.

She doesn't know anything either.

"Well, I'm not going to learn it if I keep getting distracted with other things, now am I?" he says teasingly to her. "Nope, I'll only learn about the Factionless if I stay with the Factionless, instead of going out and trying to figure out why all the other factions are trying to kill each other!"

Despite the harshness of the last sentence, I can't deny that his logic seems sound.

"Well, I'm not saying I'm going to find out why people are killing each other either!" she laughs. I see her eyes wander to the doorway of the room, where her mom stands with her hands on her hips and her tangled red hair caught up in a bun, looking stern, "But I already know that my mom will kill me if I don't do my school work."

She dashes off with a quick, "see ya!" and both of them disappear through the door.

My eyes dart to Carter, and I look at him quizzically. _Schoolwork?_ I don't remember seeing any Factionless kids in school.

"The parents teach them," he says in response to my unasked question. "They know that, with the faction system, it doesn't matter, the kids can't do anything. But they want them to be educated, just in case."

I look straight into his green eyes as I see realization dawn in them. "They hope," he says slowly.

With a sigh, he leans back into the wall and closes his eyes.

I pull a blanket up onto my lap, covering Annabelle, still sitting on my lap and playing with her bread, as well. I lean against the wall too, and snuggle into the corner with my head resting in the crevice.

"I don't know, Timidia," Carter says. He opens his eyes and looks into mine. I for once am not conscious of all the people in the room; I feel like it's just the two of us, in our own little world.

Well, the two of us and Annabelle.

"Maybe, what's going on isn't too bad. Maybe it's a chance. Maybe things can get better," he continues.

"Maybe," I say, breathless. I'm scared of his proximity and I'm scared that I don't know how to answer his questions.

"But I'm not Dauntless," he says, slapping his hand against the ground, precariously close to my own.

_No, you're not. _I think, _Not Dauntless, not mean, not cruel, not a monster like the rest of us._

Suddenly, I remember something from my morning, something I want to share with him.

"Oh! So remember when you tried to tell me that not all Dauntless were bad?" I say, speaking in a rush, "Well today I saw a woman I used to know, whose son I used to play with when I was little. And she's the nicest person I've ever met, nicer than any Abnegation or Amity person. Even after the simulation, she's still good. She's still kind. Even though she's Dauntless."

Carter is looking straight at me the whole time I speak, his green eyes boring into me until I'm flushed.

"Not all Dauntless are bad," he says slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

_Oh! _

I look down, ashamed. When I told the story, I didn't realize what I was revealing. An Abnegation child knowing a Dauntless woman? That wouldn't happen.

He knows now, he knows everything.

_I'm Dauntless._

I'm staring at the mass of brown that is Annabelle's hair, trying to separate myself from the world, trying to separate myself from everything.

But Carter reaches out across the centimeter of concrete that is dividing us and grabs my hand. He squeezes it until I'm forced to look into his eyes.

"Not all Dauntless are bad," he says again. "There are plenty of good Dauntless. Dauntless that would have saved Alexis' father," he repeats the list from last night, but changes it in a significant way, "that would've saved you from the simulation, if it weren't for the simulation that they were in themselves. Dauntless," he says, reaching out and touching my check gently, "that drop the gun and save little Abnegation girls instead."

One touch, one gentle touch of someone's hand is all it takes and I'm crying, bawling my eyes out harder than I even did two nights ago when I awoke with a gun in my hands. Crying until Annabelle, looking up at me, is frightened and begins to wail as well.

Carter encloses us in a hug, almost smothering me and I'm sure Annabelle as well. Awkwardly, I shove her off my lap so she can breathe. Carter doesn't let go.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Finally, after a minute or so of me sobbing into his shoulder and Annabelle wailing alone on the bare concrete floor, he releases me and scoops up Annabelle instead.

"I'm sorry, little one," he coos gently. She stops crying immediately. I roll my eyes through my tears. _How does he do that?_

With her settled in his lap, he faces me and takes both my hands in his.

"It was a simulation," he says, pronouncing each word carefully, "it has nothing to do with who you are."

"But….my faction…" I stutter. "My family…"

"Stop," he says, squeezing my hands gently, "stop."

My breathing slows and I stop talking, but quiet tears still leak from the corner of my eyes. Annabelle is entertained, playing with the frayed bottom of Carter's yellow shirt, and for that I am grateful.

Carter grabs the bottom of my chin and forces me to look up at him. It is with reluctance that I lift up my watery brown eyes to meet his calm, serene ones.

"Look, everyone says 'Faction before blood, Faction before blood'," he says the words mockingly. "But I don't believe that."

My eyebrows rise of their own accord, the questions burning within me.

"But I don't think it's the other way around either," he says hastily. "I don't think it's 'blood before Faction.'"

"Why not?" I ask. It's too much to hope for: that I can be defined alone, apart from the violence of my faction and the wrongdoings of my family.

"Well, look at my family," he shrugs. "A bunch of loyal Erudite, creating simulations which force one Faction to kill another. I would never support them, never would be a part of that."

I gasp quietly. I knew the Erudite were linked to this mess somehow, but I hadn't yet heard it put so bluntly. And I forgot that Carter was Erudite-born; I had forgotten he must have a family somewhere too.

I look down and release his hand, drawing circles on the dirty floor with my finger, thinking. _Faction before blood, how can it not be true?_ This was a line we were told since infancy. _But blood before Faction, I can believe that isn't true. You don't choose your family. But Faction before blood? If we aren't defined by our Faction, than what _are _we defined by? _

"So what is it then?" I ask, finally looking back up at him. "If it's not 'Faction before blood' or 'blood before Faction', what is it?"

He releases my other hand, runs his fingers through his hair, and shakes his head. "I don't know," he says, grabbing at his hair as if expecting to find the answer there. "Sometimes I think… I don't know… but, like, maybe it should just be…humanity before all."

I suppress the urge to laugh. "Humanity before all? How does that work?"

He is serious though, and grabs my hand again in urgency. "Like you. When you saved Annabelle. You didn't do it because she was a part of your Faction, or because she was your blood. You did it because she's human and you're human and it was the right thing to do."

"No," I say slowly, still trying not to laugh. _He thinks I'm a good person, but he doesn't know anything._ "I did it because I was scared to death and didn't know what else to do."

He smiles, "So you're just naturally a good person." Annabelle's looking at me too, as if expecting something, and I feel my face starting to flame. _He's not getting it!_

"No!" I say, frustrated, "I'm saying just the opposite. I'm not a good person! I'm not anyone special!

" I wasn't able to stop the simulation, I wasn't able to resist it…" Words come out in a rush, things I didn't even know I was feeling, "…I killed people. With the gun in my hands I killed people and when we woke up there was nothing I could do, I couldn't make anything better so I grabbed Annabelle because I was tired of her screaming and I ran away, because that's all I can ever do. I ran away and I hid in a corner just like I ran away from the Candor headquarters when my family wasn't there and ran away with you from Erudite's Dauntless army. I ran and I hid in the corner and I'm not going to change any of that, I'm not going to suddenly get brave and go save the Factions and the Factionless because I'm afraid, I'm afraid of everything and that's not going to change, I'm never going to be a hero."

By this point, tears are falling thickly from my eyes and I'm practically screaming. The group closest to me has turned and everyone in the circle is looking at me; I shrink back into my corner as if emphasizing everything I said. Annabelle darts off Carter's lap, afraid, and curls up on the floor next to me.

Carter hasn't taken his eyes off me yet. And, to my consternation, he's still smiling.

"Don't you see?" he says, his eyes alight, "That's what makes you a hero. Running away with Annabelle meant that she was safe and so were you. You left your corner when it was no longer safe, when Annabelle needed food and new clothes."

I blush at the memory. How crazy he must have thought me, standing alone in the foyer with a smelly child in my arms and a desperate need to find a bathroom.

"Running away saved us from the Erudite/Dauntless army. You saved me," he reaches out and touches my face gently again. I'm not sure I believe him, but what he's saying sounds so nice.

"You are brave. You are a hero. That doesn't mean that you have to save the city. Let other people take care of that. People have to stay behind and take care of the small things too." He's looking into my eyes, forcing me to hear him, see him, believe him. "Sometimes, it's the little things that matter."

I finally find a smile behind the tears. "Well, then you're a hero too," I say.

"Me?" His face crinkles in disbelief, "Nah, not really."

"Yes," I say definitively. "If it weren't for you, Annabelle and I would both be sitting in this corner hungry and alone. And smelly," I add with a laugh.

Carter smiles and glances down at Annabelle. She's a tangle of brown hair and grey dress, but she's looking at him through her locks of hair.

"And you would've gone back for the others in Abnegation this morning if it wasn't for me," I continue. "You were out there trying to find food for everyone. That's really important!"

He smiles and lifts both his hands up to my face. I freeze, unsure of what he is doing. I'm nervous and excited and sad and happy and a million other emotions at the moment.

Ever so gently, he leans in and kisses me on the forehead. I feel a tingle of relief, but a stirring of some other emotions deep inside me.

Maybe one day I'll figure out those feelings, maybe one day this "bravery" I possess will allow me to reach over and kiss Carter right on the lips.

Maybe one day, but not yet. Despite the chaos in the city, I know we have time.

He seems to be thinking the same thing as I am. "You know," he says, raising our entwined hands with emphasis, "we are nobodys. But we're safe. And we're together. And, for now, that's important."

I smile. _It's the little things that matter._

I squeeze his hand and kiss Annabelle on the head.

"This is important," I say.


End file.
